For the past 5 days I’ve been in Miami spending time with one of my very good friends, someone I consider part of my “Vegas Tribe”. The Tribe was a concept born from a group of hippy artists I became very close to my last two years living in Vegas. The Vegas art scene is very unique in that it is very small. Because it’s small it’s easier to connect with other artists in a communal atmosphere. It’s common for artists to attend birthday parties and weddings of other artists or for a group of artists to host a Thanksgiving dinner together. There’s more than a few that have gotten together and collectively rented a house. That’s just how we roll.
I don’t get to spend time with my Tribe very often but when I do I’m reminded of how much I need that supportive energy. As much as I love Atlanta the one issue (which also happens to be the biggest issue) is that I haven’t been able to cultivate a Tribe there. Even establishing authentic friendships has proven challenging. I’ve experienced a lot of people who are attracted to appearances and/or what they think they can get from you. They approach you under false pretenses in order to try to use you. There are a lot of fakes in the city of Atlanta.
This has been very difficult for me because I am generally very open and authentic. I take people at face value and have no reason to mistrust because I am honest in all my dealings with others, so I never expect anyone to be dishonest in their dealings with me.
Yeah…idealistic, I know.
And my idealism has resulted in being flat-out lied to and used, several shady living arrangements, unfruitful business “partnerships”, flaky acquaintances that want to call themselves friends, clients with ulterior motives, and being owed a total of several hundred dollars for work done for a few small businesses. And while I could be upset about these experiences I refuse to be a victim. My participation means that I am a co-creator. And each bad experience has been a lesson on what I need to do to tighten my ship; speak my truth, improve my business practices, call out bullshit, be discerning, and be discriminating on who I allow into my circle.
And speaking of the circle….
I’ve recently come to the conclusion that I don’t need any new friends. An Atlanta Tribe isn’t necessary because my Vegas Tribe is more than enough. I have more than enough love and support from the true friends and family in my life. They know me. They understand me. I don’t have to explain myself to them nor do I have to worry about being taken advantage of. I am part of a strong collective that ensures that all involved grow and elevate. We honor each other with the up most respect and integrity. And I wouldn’t have it any other way.
So to anyone new, I’m good. Unless you are of the same caliber my circle is closed and I am ok with that.
There has been so much going on that I don’t even know where to begin But I can happily say that in the seven months since I moved to Atlanta I have either accomplished or planted a seed for everything I set out to do here. I’m teaching yoga, launched my holistic company, traveling, building my healing arts and communal living community, figure modeling, sharing poetry, and getting into my healing studies. I’ve advanced my own spiritual practice and have started my shamanic training as well as learning pranic and tantric healing arts. Personally I have deepened my connections with others by living in my truth and maintaining an open relationship with my Beloved. However each consort I engage has been a beautiful mirror and teacher. Each one has given me the space to expand my heart-letting go of past hurts and unhealthy ways of moving through the world.
Lately my feelings have been full of wonderment and gratitude. Every time I’m on the train passing the beautiful Atlanta skyline I marvel at the fact that I’m living in the city I’ve always wanted to live in. Every time I connect with a member of my community I feel welcome, humbled, and supported. Every time I teach a yoga class, step on the podium to art model, grab the mic to share poetry, or complete a healing session with a client I feel joy that I’m doing exactly what I have been called to this earth to do. I am living my life’s purpose.
I’ve been reflecting a lot on what exactly it means to live your life’s purpose. In my experience it means being present to your inner voice and humble enough to seek guidance from those that are sent to be teachers. It means being one hundred percent authentic, open, and receptive because sometimes our purpose means we have to detach from the things we think we want that directly interfere with what we are meant to do. And sometimes we have to change patterns of behavior that hinder us and that also requires complete authenticity. You have to be fearless, vulnerable, and very self-aware. You have to pull yourself out of the matrix of modern society and let go of the need to be validated by others. You have to cultivate patience, faith, and a lot of acceptance. And, most importantly, you have to grow the fuck up. Owning your life’s purpose also means owning all the responsibility that come with it.
When I take a step back and look at the bigger picture I realize that so many things truly don’t/didn’t matter in the grander scheme of things. Every situation, every connection is a lesson meant to push you towards your purpose. Every thing I’ve experienced over the past four years is an example of that. When I was so busy being caught up in the drama of what the Universe was trying to show me I lost the lesson. I was knocked off my path. And I suffered. But now I am grateful for the insight-for the people and situations that did what they were supposed to do to put me exactly where I am in this moment.
“With great respect and love, I honor my heart, my inner teacher.” ~Tantric Yoga Prayer
“The tribes are gathering. The Universe is speaking. Speaking loudly, clearly, clairvoyantly. We hear it. We feel it. Our feet feel the Earth shifting in response to the call of the Universe. Drum beats. Drum beats. Earth fire. Hearth fire. Totems. Omens. Recognize them. Reconnect with them. Feel them. Gather. Gathering. The Earth is crying and shifting. Gather your tribe. Create your tribe. Purify your tribe. Heal your tribe. Heal. Connect heart chakras to hearth fires. To be disconnected from tribe is death. No tribal wars. We are all warriors.” ~Chrysalis
I wrote the above free thought a week ago while in a very deep meditative state. It’s interesting. Back in January I declared this time to the purpose of “purifying the tribe”. The intention was to heal both myself first, then the relationships I have with the group of individuals I found myself so deeply interconnected with. It would seem that my intention was on the same vibration as a lot of others because I’ve noticed an amazing ripple effect of the positive energy. Communities are coming together on a spiritual level and people are gathering their tribes. There’s a major shift in the Universe that I have been feeling for quite some time but only recently have I started to make sense of it. My last three years have been about dreams, visions, “chance” connections, and synchronicity. There were certain things I wanted for myself, seeds I planted last summer. By winter I witnessed the decimation of my entire garden and I began the new year having to completely rebuild everything I had worked so hard to create. That period of rebuilding was painful. Painful because it marked a season of loss. It never occurred to me the sacrifices I would have to make in order to have the things I was asking the Universe for. This period also marked my ego death. So essentially I’ve been separating myself from my ego as I reestablish myself.
The manifestations of this process have been absolutely beautiful. Right now I am completely free with no limitations from others or from myself. I’ve been trusting in my ability to move in the spirit, cultivating Wholeness , and connecting fully with Self. I’ve shifted from a mindset of poverty to one of prosperity. In my garden there is no such thing as lack because I have faith in my ability to replace anything that has been given away, lost, or taken from me. They keyword here is faith. Because without it abundance cannot flow. This deeper connection to Self has come with a recognition of my full power. Yet I no longer fear my power nor do I feel the need to suppress it for the sake of others. I also carry the wisdom that with power comes responsibility for we are only as powerful as the Universe allows us to be. I believe this is why an ego death was so necessary for me. I needed to be reminded of the principles of humility and gratitude, as ego has no place in the space of spiritual power. The absence of ego allows me to see things clearly–as they are. Without my illusions or false perceptions tainting what is. This makes me completely ware of my role within the collective and my life’s purpose.
I’ve evolved by leaps and bounds in such a short amount of time. This is because my spiritual growth has been supported within an environment of pure love. Replanting my garden also meant clearing my space of any old energy that no longer served my highest good. A lot of my unhealthy and/or inauthentic relationships were severed and were subsequently replaced with those that provided me with the energy I needed to grow. I guess this is where the importance of the Tribe is most felt. I unintentionally found myself in a circle of a very powerful, very loving community of like minds. We have created an open safe space where the exploration of connections is encouraged in the spirit of love. It’s a perfect blend of the individual and the collective because we all have our own separate energy that we bring to the table in order to benefit the whole. Yet we also recognize that we are human and support each other’s individual journey of healing. What’s been amazing to me are the relationships I’ve cultivated within this Tribe, especially with lovers. I’ve developed some very beautiful open relationships, which have also given me the opportunity to gain a healthier understanding of how I relate to romantic relationships, sex, and intimacy.
We are transitioning from the Age of Pisces to into the Age of Aquarius. This means we’re moving from a period of spirituality, dreams, illusions, status quo and lack of direction into one of brotherhood, utopia, science, and revolution. This transition is what’s causing the spiritual chaos we are all experiencing. Illusions are being shattered and we are all forced to pick sides. Those who wish to hold on to the status quo are experiencing chaos in their resistance to the change. And those embracing the new age are experiencing chaos as they are forced to let go of old ideals for new paradigms. The chaos and destruction is very necessary because this is a time for rebuilding.