There has been so much going on that I don’t even know where to begin But I can happily say that in the seven months since I moved to Atlanta I have either accomplished or planted a seed for everything I set out to do here. I’m teaching yoga, launched my holistic company, traveling, building my healing arts and communal living community, figure modeling, sharing poetry, and getting into my healing studies. I’ve advanced my own spiritual practice and have started my shamanic training as well as learning pranic and tantric healing arts. Personally I have deepened my connections with others by living in my truth and maintaining an open relationship with my Beloved. However each consort I engage has been a beautiful mirror and teacher. Each one has given me the space to expand my heart-letting go of past hurts and unhealthy ways of moving through the world.
Lately my feelings have been full of wonderment and gratitude. Every time I’m on the train passing the beautiful Atlanta skyline I marvel at the fact that I’m living in the city I’ve always wanted to live in. Every time I connect with a member of my community I feel welcome, humbled, and supported. Every time I teach a yoga class, step on the podium to art model, grab the mic to share poetry, or complete a healing session with a client I feel joy that I’m doing exactly what I have been called to this earth to do. I am living my life’s purpose.
I’ve been reflecting a lot on what exactly it means to live your life’s purpose. In my experience it means being present to your inner voice and humble enough to seek guidance from those that are sent to be teachers. It means being one hundred percent authentic, open, and receptive because sometimes our purpose means we have to detach from the things we think we want that directly interfere with what we are meant to do. And sometimes we have to change patterns of behavior that hinder us and that also requires complete authenticity. You have to be fearless, vulnerable, and very self-aware. You have to pull yourself out of the matrix of modern society and let go of the need to be validated by others. You have to cultivate patience, faith, and a lot of acceptance. And, most importantly, you have to grow the fuck up. Owning your life’s purpose also means owning all the responsibility that come with it.
When I take a step back and look at the bigger picture I realize that so many things truly don’t/didn’t matter in the grander scheme of things. Every situation, every connection is a lesson meant to push you towards your purpose. Every thing I’ve experienced over the past four years is an example of that. When I was so busy being caught up in the drama of what the Universe was trying to show me I lost the lesson. I was knocked off my path. And I suffered. But now I am grateful for the insight-for the people and situations that did what they were supposed to do to put me exactly where I am in this moment.
“With great respect and love, I honor my heart, my inner teacher.” ~Tantric Yoga Prayer
It’s been a while since I’ve blogged. I’ve spent the past several months getting everything about my life together. The drama surrounding my break-up coupled with my moving and being in a strange in-between stage forced me to go deeply within and restructure my entire existence.
As I type this post I am currently sitting in a posh coffee shop in Atlanta Georgia. Yes, after four years of dreaming, planning, plotting, and manifesting I have finally made the move. I’m barely a month in and I absolutely love this amazing city. Every day is a new discovery. Every day is a new challenge. Every day is a new blessing. Moving here was the best decision I have ever made and I am extremely grateful that I put faith and trust in my intuition. I know without a doubt that I am supposed to be here and the Universe continues to show me. Within one week not only was I offered two very good paying jobs that allow me the flexibility to maintain my spiritual lifestyle but I found a great house to rent. I arrived in Atlanta radiating an aura of fearlessness, openness, and being limitless. As a result I have attracted so many opportunities. I am now professionally art modeling and have been offered a space to teach community yoga classes. Of course there’s still my poetry and jewelry making and there is a thriving professional as well as spiritual community that I have been able to tap into. I’ve been able to dive deeper into African spiritual practices and learn more about my culture. There’s so much potential for growth and success in this city. This is the first time in a long time where I am not struggling, where I feel like anything is possible. It is my goal to get my real estate license here and purchase a home by next year. Socially, people are very friendly, helpful, and authentic. Not to mention that my dating options are through the roof. I’m constantly getting approached by men and women who are interested in me. All of this makes me feel empowered.
We are now in harvest season, which makes all of this even more perfect. I am definitely harvesting all of the seeds I have planted over these past several months. There is no lack in my garden and all of my reflections are full of beauty and love. My theme for this harvest is “I Create My Life.” This phrase is at the root of my planning and the center of my vision board. There is so much energy behind that statement. It keeps you motivated, disciplined, and empowered. It also takes one out of the role of being a victim and/or blaming others. The statement also requires one to take responsibility for the situations they are in. I want to be a real estate agent and certified yoga instructor, therefore I create the situations necessary to manifest that. I want to travel and own a home, I create that. I create peace and harmony. I create balance, gratitude, and healing. I create beauty and art. I create security, openness, and love. These are all the things I want so I create them.
I think the biggest seed that I am harvesting is freedom. It’s something my spirit was craving, even while I was with my ex-girlfriend. I allowed our relationship to limit me in many ways and keep me from growing. I wanted freedom so I created our break-up though the desire didn’t make the experience any less painful. I’d be remiss if I didn’t acknowledge that there are a lot of things I am doing now that I would not have had the space to do while we were together. During the spring equinox I offered “freedom” to the Universe as my sole wish and now, during the fall equinox, I am harvesting it. It’s interesting how letting go of one form of love allows you to receive it abundantly from many sources. For the first time ever I am in the space to give and receive love openly and freely with anyone I am connected to. My relationship with my primary lover (whom I affectionately call my Balance) has helped me with this tremendously. He recognizes and has told me that I am at my happiest when I am free. Therefore he works hard to allow me that space while loving me unconditionally. This has created such a healing space for me. I’ve connected to the fact that part of my life’s purpose is to share love with others, as it is such a powerful form of healing and we are currently in a time where we all need as much healing as we can get. My paradise is being in a space to love openly with the support of those around me.
I first got the idea of starting my own non-profit organization several years ago when I was still married. It was during that time that I discovered that my passion resided in engaged community activism. I spent months researching and drafting a business plan and then tucked it neatly away with the intention of initiating it when I felt the “time was right”. Needless to say life got in the way, along with all its distractions and obstacles and I never got around to initiating that business plan. I consider the pause divine delay as I needed the time to obtain the experience necessary to carry such an undertaking. And not just professional experience but spiritual and emotional maturity as well. The delay also helped me to narrow down exactly which part of the community I wanted my organization to serve.
Though I’m extremely patient when it comes to laying the groundwork for my plans I’m also very action oriented and know when it’s time to make moves. I dedicated all of 2013 to completing the projects I started and subsequently published my poetry book and got my real estate license. Now, I’ve dedicated 2014 to putting my dreams to action.
I’ve pulled out that old business plan and have been working on revamping it. I find it interesting how everything always works out the way the Universe intended it to. I didn’t plan to be stuck in California through the spring and yet being here allows me the space I need to actively complete my business plan as I am now without any of the things that had been distracting me previously. I have good relationships with family and (very few) close friends who fully support me rather than use me and drain me of all my energy. My home life is positive, peaceful, and without the chaos that was interfering with my focus. My real estate career is fast growing and I’m enjoying the second income I’m receiving through tutoring–both of which are allowing me to become financially stable again, eliminating the stress of worrying about money. The absence of a committed relationship also leaves me more time and energy to put into my business. In a way I’m also grateful for that lesson. I’ve been presented with a few opportunities from interested lovers however I prefer to maintain my emotional independence as it has kept me very productive.
So what is my highest vision? I want to open a resource center for queer youth in Atlanta. This is my entire purpose for wanting to relocate down south. My vision for this is huge, the details extensive. I want to incorporate a lot of services to meet the needs of queer and homeless youth and a lot of my ideas for doing so are completely out of the box when compared to how social services are currently offered. Yet my platform isn’t just about addressing a need, it’s also about addressing the root of the problem. I see clearly that the only way to facilitate change is to radically shift the way we’ve been doing things as a society because what we’ve been doing isn’t working. I admit that a big part of why I sat on this dream for so long was because I was intimidated by the magnitude of what I was trying to do and I questioned my ability to pull it off. Yet as I separate myself from all the things that were holding me back and sit down to work out how I could make this non-profit happen I see how realistic it will be to apply all of my ideas. In less than two weeks I worked out the basic structure of my resource center and homeless shelter, came up with a name, found potential networking and partnership opportunities, located possible buildings, and identified funding sources. I see that starting my own non-profit won’t be as difficult as I originally thought and that I can accomplish it in a year or less. I have come to understand how perfect it is that I’m taking a break in California for a few months. By the time I am ready to move to Atlanta my business plan will be complete and ready to initiate. I’ll be able to hit the ground running as soon as I arrive in my new city!
The Year of the Horse is all about action. As an activist I firmly believe that talk is hollow without the action behind it. I’ve done enough planning, now it’s time to make my dreams a reality. I believe wholeheartedly in my ability to manifest my highest vision.