The Journey To My Life’s Purpose

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Today is the winter solstice. I’ve always found the winter solstice to be a very powerful day spiritually and have always utilized its energy in a way that allows me to grow. I decided to dedicate this year’s winter solstice to self-reflection and inner work. I spent the morning practicing healing meditation and as I was  doing my visualizations a bat came to me. This was very significant because I’ve been spiritually closed and weak for the past few months and recently have been unable to connect with any of my spirit animals. However a bat was new to me, never having been connected to this animal. I was a bit confused as to it’s significance until I read up on the symbolism.

Bat’s wisdom includes shamanic death and rebirth, initiation, viewing past lives, pollination of new ideas, transition, understanding grief, the use of vibrational sound, camouflage, invisibility, ability to observe unseen, secrets. Shaman initiates go through a ritual death, sometimes with the aid of teacher plants and/or fasting. Here they confront their fears and are reborn without their old identities. Bats help us to release fear and patterns which no longer fits within our pattern of growth. Bat flying into your life signifies that transformation of the ego self is about to occur, the end of a way of life and the start of another. This transition can be very frightening for many, even just to think about. But you will not grow spiritually until you let go these old parts of you that are NOT NEEDED. Facing the darkness before you will help you find the light in rebirth. The bat gives you the wisdom required to make the appropriate changes for the birthing of your new identity. – Ina Woolcott

Very accurate for what I am going through right now. I’m literally at a cross roads in my life. I’ve officially left Vegas and am spending the holidays with family before heading to Atlanta. I’m excited about the new journey I’m about to embark on and I feel good about my decision to leave Vegas but the transition has not been easy for me. I have spent the past four months  having to give up everything I’m attached to and love in order to pursue my life’s purpose. The process has been extremely painful and what has made it even more so is that I have spent the entire time fighting it tooth and nail.

I’ve had to let go of my home, my material possessions, my romantic relationship, most of my friendships, my security and safety, my place in the community, my spiritual haven, my ego, everything. The fact that I’ve had to sacrifice so much is a sign of the magnitude of what I’m trying to do. It must be pretty damn important to require so much of me. And I can’t continue to resist it.

The Universe has finally taught me the lesson of letting go of things that no longer serve a purpose in my life. This includes people and patterns of behavior. I’ve drifted apart from a lot of people this year. I’ve “lost” a lot of friendships. My old pattern was to hold on to my relationships with people, to matter how unhealthy they were. My attachment to my connection with people would force me to continue a relationship with them even if it was clear that we were moving in separate directions. Now I’m more willing to accept when a relationship has reached its usefulness and allow things to be.

The same applies internally. Evolution demands that I abandon habits that stagnate my growth. This transition has destroyed everything that I thought I knew and that I thought I was. I’m  having to rebuild my personal structure and what I’m now experiencing is an ego death. A very painful ego death. Yet this is what I asked for. I released into the Universe that I wanted to grow spiritually and be a healer. These are the things that are required in order to manifest that request. And I can’t heal others without first healing myself.

I’m standing at a threshold. I’m no longer what was but I’m not yet what will be. Now I fully understand what it means to be an initiate.

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