Me & This Relationship Thing-Revisited…Again

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I’m sure it has everything to do with Mercury retrograde. I’m also sure it has everything to do with our polar opposite differences and our tendency to spend too much time together. But her and I have been arguing more than usual lately. I mean, it’s normal for couples to have disagreements…about big issues. But not about little things like me not pushing the dining chair back in after I’m finished eating or her dropping crumbs in my car and leaving them for me to clean.

It’s kind of cruel joke that we’re so alike in the ways that matter and so different in the smaller things. I’m a big picture thinker and she’s the type of person that pays attention to the little details, to the point where she often can’t see the forest for the trees. We just function differently, which is to be expected since we’re two individuals.  And while we acknowledge that we function differently even the way in which we approach that fact comes from different places. I’m patient, accepting, and understanding that changes in behavior take time.  I realize that people may or may not do things the way that I would do them and that’s ok. This makes me a little more easy-going when things arise that irritate me. She’s a lot more structured, demanding, and controlling–making her much more impatient and less understanding to the process of shifting behaviors. She also realizes that people may or not do things the way that she would do them but instead of accepting it she seeks  to control and change other people’s behavior. Leaving her frustrated when she doesn’t yield the expected results. This type of thinking I can relate to because I used to be the same way during my marriage. It takes time, experience, and wisdom to come to the realization that you can’t control others, especially your partner. All you can do is communicate your expectations and leave it up to the other person to make the necessary shifts. Either they will or they wont. And if they will, you must be open to the reality that change doesn’t happen overnight.

But it’s more than just these incidences that have me reflecting on how I relate to being in a relationship. There are so many things about this that I’m having to adjust to. Like, having to consider another party when I make decisions. Like, sharing space when I’m used to being alone. Like, constantly having to communicate when plans change. Like, checking in so people don’t get worried. It’s a lot for me. And it’s making me realize so many things about myself as a person and all the habits I adopted as a result of the way I was raised. I’ve always just looked after myself or looked after other people. I’ve never really had anyone checking after me. My mother wasn’t strict by any means and was often too distracted to create and enforce any kind of structure in the household. She pretty much let me run wild. So discipline, structure, control are all concepts that are foreign to me. So to be with someone whose all about those things is a culture shock. Furthermore, I can honestly say that this is my first true partnership. So having to transition from operating as an individual to operating as a unit is extremely difficult for me. Granted, I can definitely exercise more mindfulness in this relationship but at the same time I can also cultivate learning when to compromise and when to stand my ground. And while most days I don’t want to be bothered with this relationship  shit at all, I’m fully aware of the significance of having someone like her in my life. All the growth I’m experiencing through her and the lessons learned. It’s not easy by any means but no one ever said it was supposed to be.

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