I’ve heard it said more than once that we learn about ourselves through the relationships we have with others. I’ve come to see this as a truth, particularly with this new friendship I’ve developed recently. Most of the time I like to be tossed out of my comfort zone–it helps one to grow. Recently though it’s more like I’ve been shot out of a rocket into uncharted territory. Quite frankly, its terrifying at times. My shortcomings and flaws have never been so exposed. And I’m confronted with how much I don’t know. Here are thirty lessons I’ve learned in the past thirty days.
1. I’ve gotten much better with the way I communicate. I have a long ways to go though.
2. I don’t like to feel vulnerable. When my feelings are hurt I immediately shut down. I need to work on this.
3. There’s a lot of things about my sexuality that I still don’t know and need to explore.
4. I internalize things, which ties into how I communicate and the situations that cause me to shut down.
5. Certain aspects of my former marriage have left me selfish. I put a lot of time, energy, and sacrifices into my marriage that were often fruitless (and unappreciated). Afterwards I fell into a dating situation that had a lot of the same characteristics. Now I’ve realized that I have a nonchalant mentality when it comes to relationships. I tend to do what’s necessary but I’m not particularly inclined to make any extra effort.
6. My authenticity could do with a bit more cultivating. I tend to shy away from hurting other people’s feelings or I have conversations where I omit how I feel. It’s in my best interest to be more honest. Doing this will improve my ability to set boundaries.
7. I’m still somewhat of a spoiled brat.
8. I don’t like to be dominated or controlled. However, I have no problem following or being submissive. I’m learning that there is a difference between being controlled and being submissive. The former is force and the later is a choice.
9. I’m extremely easy-going. Maybe too much at times.
10. I’m finally learning how to let go.
11. I allow others to rely on me too much. I cannot save everyone and I should not seek to.
12. I am responsible for my own happiness.
13. I’m a damn good poet.
14. It doesn’t take much for others to fall in love with me.
15. My spiritual practice is my lifeline. One of the best choices I ever made was to become Buddhist.
16. I’m learning patience. I can’t control others. I’m ever mindful that I must meet others where they are at and not where I want them to be.
17. I’ve finally forgiven those that need forgiving. My relationships have helped me to better understand those who have hurt me.
18. I’m not very fiscally responsible but the potential is there to improve in this area.
19. The energy that I’ve put into other people’s dreams have left me drained and a bit lazy. This is an important time for me as I recognize that I need to be nurtured.
20. I’ve accomplished a lot but there is still a lot I can do because my potential is great. The importance is not to get too comfortable with any situation.
21. I’m becoming more adaptable to change. I’m learning how to flow.
22. There is a difference between compromising and settling.
23. Balance. Balance. Balance. I often teeter between extremes.
24. I’m learning how to function within a mature adult relationship. Intimacy is not about sex. A relationship is not about a power exchange. Love is not about forever.
25. I don’t know everything. And everything is not about me.
26. When all else fails, remember to appreciate the place you are in. Humility and gratitude always.
27. I’m intimidating to others. And I have no idea why.
28. I’ve been opening up. To new people, situations, possibilities, activities. It’s pleasant.
29. I’m very much about the little things when it comes to relationships. The little things show me that a person is paying attention. That there are in-tuned and are here in the present with me. The little things create intimacy.
30. Great things take time. Nothing great was built over night. I remember this always when I find myself frustrated with my process, my goals, or my relationships. I want solid foundations for everything I manifest in my life.