“If I’m Not Your 1st Choice Then I’m No Choice”


I have to credit lots of interesting dialog for the inspiration behind many of these posts I’ve been writing lately. Yesterday’s topic was dating. While talking with a friend she expressed feeling some sorta way about a guy she used to date now being in a relationship with someone else. They dated for a while.  She put a lot of time and energy into the interaction only to receive a lot of excuses from him on why it couldn’t go to the next level. Needless to say the situation climaxed into a pretty big blow-up that ended what might have been. Now, a few months later, dude is in a relationship and my friend is left wondering what so many women can’t help but wonder in such circumstances; why her and not me?

This isn’t an isolated event. I’m not sure if people are getting a super jump-start on pulling out the summer cards or if it’s the euphoria of Valentine’s Day but there seems to be an epidemic of men jumping into these random relationships. It even happened on me. A guy I’ve been light weight talking to for the past couple of months decided to cuff a women he’s been involved with for three weeks. Luckily for me I caught on to some red flags early on which gave me the sense to fall back so I wasn’t much surprised or at all bothered by the changed FB relationship status. The logic behind getting into a relationship with someone you’ve barely had the time to establish anything with completely escapes me, but I digress.

Call it my “all or nothing” attitude or a Leo’s pride but playing runner-up has never sat well with me. I have never nor would I ever settle for being second place to anyone, especially when it comes to a relationship. My stance is this; I don’t have to be the center of your world but I damn sure better be the most important thing in it. I am fully aware of my worth. I know what kind of woman I am and all that I have to bring to the table. I have absolutely no desire to prove to someone that I am good enough. If they can’t see that then the loss is theirs.

In none of my dating situations, as few as they’ve been, have I ever sat around waiting to get chose either. I’ve noticed that men have this tendency to keep a “team” of women on deck in case things don’t work out with the one he’s in a relationship with. Or if he’s single he’ll get involved with someone just deep enough to where he has the benefits of a girlfriend without any intention or desire to commit to the woman. I call this the Recess Chick, the woman he plays with on break in between relationships. On one hand many men are misleading in their intentions and on the other hand many women settle for these situations. The settling is what I don’t understand. Hell, I’ve observed one woman who wasn’t the first, or the second, or even the third on dude’s list. She was slept on and played to the left and was still happy to accept his invitation after waiting a few years to be the very last one he picked to be with. But hey, to each his/her own. She’s much better than me though.

If I’m not your first choice then I’m no choice. A person only gets one chance to pass me over, even if that means I miss out on the opportunity when or if they decide they wanted me after all. Even if that means that I remain single. No need for a relationship is ever strong enough to make me so desperate  that I would  settle for a person who made me anything less than their first choice. Life is way too short for that.


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