Remember that attached man I posted about a few months ago? Well…
After a few months of this weird back-and-forth game we mutually decided to do the responsible thing and remain platonic. Though the ability to go from hot to luke warm may be lost to some it’s never been a problem for me. Especially in situations that started off in friendship and where I value that friend. This man (I’ll call him J) is a great person to have around and I recognized that.
Yet neither one of us could deny feelings that just barely tipped over the line of friendship. They were there, like a neon rainbow colored elephant in the middle of a very small room. Nor could we deny the very strong connection, chemistry, attraction, whatever you want to call it. It was all there. I hadn’t experienced anything quite this magnetic since this one particular guy back in college. Ironically he was also attached. Hmmm….I wonder what that says about me. But I digress.
The funny thing is that the less J and I focused on the sexual attraction and the more we turned towards the friendship the closer we became. Which, in my opinion, is much more dangerous than any fling we might have had. It’s easy to sleep with someone and then send them back to their significant other. It’s much harder when you care about them.
Last night we were on the phone having a very deep conversation, discussing a lot of random things. Somehow we got on the subject of him and I. I’ve long since understood and accepted the fact that him and I can never be more than friends, however he felt that he needed to explain where he was coming from. He didn’t deny that he wanted me and that he has feelings for me but he also talked about karma. What he said to me was that he’d been in two very bad relationships prior to the one he is currently in. He expressed that his partner now came to him in a time when he really needed her and that she has been there for him ever since, supporting him. He couldn’t mess up what he has nor could he hurt her because she didn’t deserve that and he didn’t want that karma coming back on him.
Of course, all of this I already understood. But what I really respect is J’s realness. And his words gave me an entirely new perspective on the subject.
It made me think of all the people I know who have these super amazing partners, and yet they are tempted to step out. Now I understand that every relationship is not perfect, especially from the outside looking in. But no situation is so bad that it warrants cheating. Especially when a person has a partner that is good to them, loves them, is loyal, supportive, and holds them down in every way possible. There are some who choose not to put their significant other through that and there are others who do but either way it boils down to one thing, choice. Here’s a man who most definitely could have gotten it and as much as he wanted it he made the conscious decision not to take it there. It says a lot about the level of respect he has for his S.O. as well as his overall integrity. Yeah he was tempted but he was mature enough to acknowledged it and still walk away. It’s the perfect example of when a person knows what they have and they value it then they don’t jeopardize or gamble with it.
This experience made me look at other people and situations much differently. Very differently…