It seems as though I hit 2012 running. I literally went from admitting to being completely clueless and imposing a dating moratorium to more interests than I have time for. I could claim false humility and say that it’s overwhelming but truth is, it’s about damn time.
Or that’s what a lot of people keep telling me anyway.
Anyone whose been a long-term reader of this blog knows that I’m coming off of a divorce. Granted the end of my marriage is almost two years past but the relationship itself didn’t really end until fall of last year. I can openly admit that when it came to romantic relationships I was a mess. My internal issues were mirrored in the haphazard way I responded to people, a way that led to more drama than I needed and which prompted the whole dating hiatus. I took a much-needed break to work on myself, to grow, and not only figure out my wants/needs but to learn how to articulate them to others. It wasn’t an easy thing to do but it was the best thing for me because I’ve developed a much healthier view of myself in the role as “partner” as well as what type of relationship would best benefit me. Because of this new-found perspective I find myself much more open to dating, more patient with the people I get involved with, and a lot more comfortable with the interactions. I’m also 100% more confident in my role, or with being able to extract myself from dating someone when the situation is not in my best interest. I’ve finally got to the point where I not only refuse to repeat the same cycles and mistakes but I’m actively taking the steps not to place myself back in the same situations with the same people. When I reflect on my life I realize that I am a much happier person than I was this time last year. So it does not make sense for me to fall into the same patterns as the person I used to be a year ago.
And then there’s the saying my grandmother was fond of, “Don’t put all your eggs in one basket.”
I’m learning not to invest all my time and energy into one situation too soon. What I discovered about myself is that I rather like my autonomy. I don’t have any desire to be controlled, or to “belong” to anyone. That is the one thing that has not changed since my dating hiatus. I’ve learned to give as much as I get, when it’s the right time to do so. With that comes patience–as such a philosophy would require since it means that one has to allow things to happen authentically…naturally. Or let it go when it fails to pop off.
So it appears that I have more than a few potential dating situations. Some I can see actually going somewhere and others that may be just temporary. There is one that is extremely intense, but not ideal. And another that’s just testing the waters, but very possible. The funny thing is, I’m kind of enjoying the process. I’m learning a lot about myself and I feel myself growing in this area. The most important thing is that this is the perfect time for all of this to be happening because I’m finally ready for it. Whatever “it” turns out to be.
Guess we’ll see…