Ah , my first thoughts of 2012.
While reflecting about the New Year last week I wrote the following on Facebook
Amazing what can happen in 365 days. One year you’re bringing in NYE with someone and the next you’re bringing it in without them.
It seems as though I entered 2012 with a clean slate. I certainly ended the year with a few less relationships than I started out with. Some were ended by choice and others were initiated by the other party but there’s no doubt that it was something that needed to happen.
The last few months were very eye-opening for me. I realized that I was engaging relationships (both intimate and platonic) in which I was being taken for granted and where my needs weren’t being met. Of course the lack there of had been going on for quite some time. It just took me a while to grow to a point where I made the decision to speak out about it. Any healthy relationship is based on a balanced system of give and take. However it becomes lacking when one party is giving more than the other, and that’s what it was becoming for me. After a while I saw clearly that it wasn’t in my best interest to continue on. I knew the wisest course of action was to let the relationship(s) go.
What made the letting go process a lot easier was me learning who truly has my best interest at heart and who in my life is too selfish to see past their own agenda. I received so much love and support from the most unlikely sources while witnessing the people who claimed to love me the most wait until it was much too late to express to me how they truly felt about me. I came to the understanding that a person who I openly cared for, and willingly did anything for, was not capable of returning the same type of actions. I had one friend, who I’ve yet to meet in person, send me the best and most thoughtful Christmas present I have ever received. And I had another friend, who was in my wedding, not so much as send me a Merry Christmas text. It’s certainly situations such as those that make you re-evaluate your relationships.
It would appear that I’m much more skilled at seeing things for how they are, and not how I would like them to be. Meaning that if I see that something isn’t right in any of my relationships I’m more inclined to speak on it and act accordingly. Even if that means letting the relationship go. For me, it’s not so much about who “deserves” to be in my circle. I feel as though using that term implies some level of judgement. No, it’s about maintaining relationships with those who enrich my life, and whose lives I enrich.
My slate is clean and it’s my intention to keep it that way.