On A Personal Note 11~14~11: The Meaning Of Love

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Around this time last year I found myself randomly involved with someone. I guess you can say that we were dating though it certainly didn’t start out that way. By the time they moved away February of this year the damage had already been done. Feelings had already been caught on both sides. Yet they were no longer local so there wasn’t much to be done about it.

Since then nine months has passed. A lot has happened in those nine months. We’ve gotten closer. We’ve pushed each other away. We’ve fallen out. We’ve made up. We stopped speaking for a while, shutting down. We’ve reached out to each other, opening up. We’ve been frustrated and we’ve reached understandings. Through all of this there is no denying the deep emotions rolling inside the both of us. It’s there. To our credit neither one of us has denied how we felt about the other.

This person, isn’t perfect. They are deeply flawed. But that’s human nature. They try though. Mistakes have been made, we both have blundered. But those mistakes were never repeated. They are trying very hard to be the kind of person that is able to give me what I need. That means a lot to me. It touches me deeply.They want to see me happy. They go out of their way to see me happy. As much as they go out of their way not to hurt me. And while they can be selfish when it comes to certain things, they are never selfish in the things that matter. I find that amazing.

It’s been nine months since I’ve seen my friend but they will be out here for Thanksgiving. As we talk about seeing each other something very interesting was brought up. The possibility of them moving back to Vegas. While I’m super excited about the prospect I’m a bit scared. It’s a pretty big deal. I know what the move would be about. There isn’t much in Vegas for them except family…and me. This person is willing to leave everything they’ve established in part because of me. I’ve never had someone do that for me, ever. I’ve always been the one to make those kinds of sacrifices. The idea of living together was also thrown out there. It’s not something I oppose at all. It may be good for the both of us. As we talked about the type of expectation we’d have under such an arrangement I realized that what I’m experiencing is a lesson on what it truly means to love someone. Moving out here and possibly living together won’t mean that we are “together” and there’s a good chance that we’ll be dating/seeing other people, we both want the space to enjoy each other’s company while still maintaining our independence and freedom. When I asked them how that would work they said that they would be ok with it, because they understand that if/when we’re ready they know it would be just us, and no one else. When I asked if they would be able to put others aside they said they would have no problem letting any others go and putting me first because they know that I would love them right and to have that type of love would be worth the sacrifice.

I don’t think I’ve ever had a clearer picture of what love is. As unique and unconventional as the situation might be. But to have someone who recognizes what they have in me and is willing to work for it and sacrifice whatever is necessary is truly amazing. Regardless of whether it happens or not, or how things turn out or even if they work out or not,  I’m grateful for this lesson in love. It’s really opened my eyes.

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