Being Too Open Too Soon

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I’ve been entertaining conversations with this guy recently. Nothing major at all but he’s made it painfully clear that’s he’s interested in me, though I’ve yet to take the bait. Since it’s still in the early stages we’re in that “getting to know you” phase of the game. I’m of the type that will ask the basic essential questions in the beginning. I understand that everything else I want to know I’ll learn over time as I continue to talk to and spend time with a person. So I typically forgo what I call the “dating interrogations”. But many people tend to want a person’s entire life story straight out the gate, which is the case with this dude. Now, I am by no means a person who hides things about herself and it used to be that I would be completely open with anyone I happen to be talking to. Eh, these days….I’m not feeling that so much.This guy asked me a lot of probing questions about myself that caused me to pause. It brought to the mind the question; when is it an appropriate time to share certain things about yourself or your past with a person?

I think that being too open too soon hurts the dating process a bit. First of all, not everyone deserves to know all there is to know about you from jump. Not before you’ve determined what role they will play in your life, if they will play a role at all. Second of all, for a woman, there is nothing sexy or mysterious about being an open book. Putting yourself completely out there too soon eliminates any challenge you might have been. Also, some things just aren’t worth talking about and there is a time and place for the things that are. In my case I will let a person know that I was married, if they ask. I will inform them of my current dating situation (whether I’m seeing anyone or not), if they ask. Usually they want to know what happened with my marriage to which I will give the very generic “It didn’t work out.” I rarely, if at all, go into full details about it these days. For one, I prefer not to carry old baggage into a new situation. But also I don’t want to give anyone the impression that I haven’t dealt with it. Nobody wants to feel like the rebound.

I think what it is, is that you can meet and find a lot of cool people you vibe with. However you won’t have a connection with all of them. And if you do the connection won’t most likely happen right away. Allowing a person to get to know you is a privilege that is earned and being too open too  early on somewhat diminishes that privilege. Most importantly, dating should be a gradual process in which all parties involved take their time. There’s no fun in it when you start off by completely putting yourself out there.

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