I’ve been feeling down the past few days. More than I should. Too much going on and I feel off-balance. I’ve been seriously neglecting my spiritual practice by not meditating every day. I also haven’t been on my regular gym schedule. I’ve been socializing too much and not focusing enough on my long-term goals. Overall I’ve just been…off. And this recent bullshit with my ex hasn’t helped matters either.Even though I know what that is and what it’s all about it still gets to me a bit. No point in pretending like it doesn’t.
The funny thing is that even through text my friend could tell that I was sad. After I explained a bit what was going on we had a very nice long talk. She dropped some wisdom that not only made me smile but she reminded me that, regardless, I’m very much loved and appreciated. In that same hour I had a nice long talk with my other friend who dropped some wisdom from another perspective. But it nonetheless was a serious eye opener for me.
What I realize is that, instead of me being angry, I need to understand that some people need to be in a relationship to feel validated. A committed relationship makes them feel as though they are somehow better than, rather than them having the ability to say that they are content to be by themselves and truly mean it. It kind of reminds me of a past post where I talk about people who are in love with the idea of being in love. At that stage it’s more about the how their significant other makes them feel than anything substantial and when that person no longer makes them feel good, that’s when things get real. That’s when the relationship is no longer wanted. It’s a very weak foundation to base a relationship on.
Another thing that was pointed out to me is that there is a vast difference between finding better and doing better. That’s all I’m going to say about that.
Either way I will not c0-sign, support, or pretend to be happy for my ex’s current situation and it has nothing to do with jealousy. It’s hard for me to respect the way in which he went about things. For me, it’s never about what you do but how you do it. And he went about it without an ounce of integrity. Funny, though it was very difficult for me, I was much more supportive and happy for him when he got with his last girlfriend.
On my way to work I was thinking about this blog and why I started it. It was never my intention to build any type of audience. I started this blog because I was going through a very painful experience and needed somewhere to put my feelings. I’ve never been anything but 100% honest, even if it makes me look bad. There have been times where I’ve shown great insight and wisdom and other times where I’ve been malicious, petty, and immature. But that’s who I am and I will never pretend to be something I’m not. We all have many sides to us. Not acknowledging these things does not allow for much growth. I’ll never hide from who I am. I just felt like I needed to reaffirm my intention for this blog.
I am grateful for the people I have in my life who continue to demonstrate to me that I am well loved and cared for. And I am grateful to them for helping me see the bigger picture and put things into perspective.