Belonging to Self…. A Revolutionary Idea


I was recently having a conversation with my ex (yes we still talk and are on very good terms) and he made a comment about me eventually meeting someone new and settling down again, possibly committing to a long-term relationship. I kind of found it a strange comment coming from him. But it did make me ponder a bit. The truth is, I’ve met someone new. Actually…I’ve met a couple of someone new’s. All were pretty cool for the most part, a few were cooler than the others but at the end of the day I’m content with where I’m at. Meaning I’m not looking for the next SO or another committed relationship, which is what I eventually told my ex.

And here’s why.

For the first time in my life I feel like my life is my own to live on my own terms and I’m enjoying it. It is for this reason that I am not in any hurry to “be” with anyone. I like the feeling of belonging to myself. It makes me feel strangely empowered in a way that I can’t exactly explain. It’s not even about having the ability to do what I want without answering to anyone. Hell, just because someone is single doesn’t necessarily mean they are free. True freedom is a state of mind, not a state of physical being. For me, it’s about liberation. Nobody owns me because I own myself. A revolutionary idea for me. The concept has shifted the way I live my life and how I interact in my relationships. I am all about enjoying this moment, wherever “this moment” finds me in. I’m not looking for the next best thing. I’m not searching for greener pastures. I have no desire to be possessed by anyone else, nor do I wish to own another person. I am content with things as they are. This new-found ownership of self has resulted in a deeper connection with who I am as a woman, which has naturally led to a more centered and grounded Toya J.

Of course I’m open to meeting new people and I am open to a casual relationship developing into something more serious. I am also just as open to continuing on as I have been. I am content enough to not only be open to what comes my way but to accept it. But in the meantime I am not inclined to give over ownership of myself.


2 thoughts on “Belonging to Self…. A Revolutionary Idea

  1. Embracing being alone is one of the most empowering things ever. I like it, and want you to know I’m reading and appreciating your voice and your practice from afar!

  2. I am happy for you Toya, whether you go the marriage route, or go the complete harlot route…

    You live your life without complaint… unlike your contemporaries… And you do it quite well…

    You are not allowing men to own your reality… And it is appreciated… And you own up to your choices

    And you are a divorcee, which means that man thought enough of you to give you a ring…


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