What a strange turn of events. All that keeps running in my head is that, at this point in my life, I cannot afford not to be honest with myself. None of us can.
I’m seeing myself as I was 5 years ago. Beyond my years in many ways but so young in matters of relationships. My biggest hindrance; I was never honest with myself. I was never honest about how I felt. I was never honest about what I wanted. I was never honest about what I thought. I was never honest about the reality of the situations I was in. I was never honest about the things that mattered in a relationship. I paid dearly for that lack of honesty.
Growth doesn’t come without one first being honest with themselves. Otherwise, how else will the problem be identified if it’s lost in a cloud of denial? I’ve gotten way past the point of wanting to continue repeating the same negative cycles. A better developed sense of self-awareness and clarity has taught me the importance of being real with myself. About everything. Even if that means I have to admit when I’ve made a mistake or acknowledging when things are not ok. With acknowledgment comes wisdom in knowing when to make a change for the better because, really, what’s the alternative? Ignore what’s there and settle for the worse? Staying in situations that aren’t healthy?
I see myself. It’s like looking at a ghost in the mirror–Toya of Relationship Past. She’s not completely happy. She knows there is something wrong. She sees that things are not quite how she wants them to be. And yet she continues on as though everything is all good. I feel for that ghost. She has a long journey ahead of her.