As I journey deeper into my Forest of Self Discovery I’m about 99.99% convinced that I will never get married again. Though my breakup and much of what immediately followed was probably the most painful experience I’ve ever had to go through (to date) I don’t disown the institution of marriage out of bitterness but rather because I’m finding that I kind of like my freedom.
And yet the idea of having a partner appeals to me.
Even the folks that don’t know me in IRL can quickly discern from a few of my blog posts that I am not the most traditional nor conventional person in the pack. So it shouldn’t be much of a shock to anyone for me to admit that I am seriously considering a polyamorous lifestyle. For those not familiar with the term poly (“many” or several”) amory (love) is defined as
the practice, desire, or acceptance of having more than one intimate relationship at a time with the knowledge and consent of everyone involved. Polyamory, often abbreviated to poly, is sometimes described as consensual,ethical, or responsible non-monogamy.
Basically, having a serious committed relationship with more than one person at a time. Either male/female/female, female/male/male, male/female/male, male/male/male, female/female/female, female/female/male/male, or however you get down.
I’m sure such a notion will earn me the serious side eye from those not as open-minded as I. But before you all call me crazy allow me to present my logic.
It’s not very likely that a person will find a partner that can provide them with everything they need in a relationship. Hell it’s not likely that a person will even get half of what they need from their significant other. So what typically ends up happening is that we are often forced to settle, compromise, or give up important needs in order to maintain a relationship. My question is why do we find it necessary to have to give up certain needs in order to be with someone? If the need is an important factor in one’s ability to be happy, healthy, and balanced why be forced to compromise it for the sake of a relationship? The expected alternative is to drop the person who doesn’t meet all of your needs and go searching for another that does.
Here’s how I see it. I’m dating Person A and they are great at providing 1, 2 , and 3. I am also dating Person X who doesn’t meet needs 1, 2, and 3 but rather 4, 5, and 6. They both want a serious committed relationship with me. I am now faced with the dilemma of having to choose between two people and sacrifice one set of needs for the other.
Or, I could date both and not have to give up anything. If all parties agree to and are ok with it, why not? It would seem like the ideal situation, for my lifestyle at least. I definitely cannot, and will not, speak for everyone. However, here is a situation that is open an honest. That offers commitment with an element of freedom. It creates close intimate partnership(s). And, most importantly, does not require me to have to sacrifice any of my needs. Would it be difficult to maintain such a lifestyle? Of course! I imagine it would be just as much work as any relationship, maybe a little bit more. Do I think it would invite some drama into my life? I’m sure it will. But drama is the runoff of life, collecting itself in a neat little bucket as a result of every action we engage in. Either way, I think it would be an interesting approach to relationships. So….we’ll see.
To be continued…….