An Experimentation With Polyamory


As I journey deeper into my Forest of Self Discovery I’m about 99.99% convinced that I will never get married again. Though my breakup and much of what immediately followed was probably the most painful experience I’ve ever had to go through (to date) I don’t disown the institution of marriage out of bitterness but rather because I’m finding that I kind of like my freedom.

And yet the idea of having a partner appeals to me.

Even the folks that don’t know me in IRL can quickly discern from a few of my blog posts that I am not the most traditional nor conventional person in the pack. So it shouldn’t be much of a shock to anyone for me to admit that I am seriously considering a polyamorous lifestyle. For those not familiar with the term poly (“many” or several”) amory (love)  is defined as

the practice, desire, or acceptance of having more than one intimate relationship at a time with the knowledge and consent of everyone involved. Polyamory, often abbreviated to poly, is sometimes described as consensual,ethical, or responsible non-monogamy.

Basically, having a serious committed relationship with more than one person at a time. Either male/female/female, female/male/male, male/female/male, male/male/male, female/female/female, female/female/male/male, or however you get down.

I’m sure such a notion will earn me the serious side eye from those not as open-minded as I. But before you all call me crazy allow me to present my logic.

It’s not very likely that a person will find a partner that can provide them with everything they need in a relationship. Hell it’s not likely that a person will even get half of what they need from their significant other. So what typically ends up happening is that we are often forced to settle, compromise, or give up important needs in order to maintain a relationship. My question is why do we find it necessary to have to give up certain needs in order to be with someone? If the need is an important factor in one’s ability to be happy, healthy, and balanced why be forced to compromise it for the sake of a relationship? The expected alternative is to drop the person who doesn’t meet all of your needs and go searching for another that does.

Here’s how I see it. I’m dating Person A and they are great at providing 1, 2 , and 3. I am also dating Person X who doesn’t meet needs 1, 2, and 3 but  rather 4, 5, and 6. They both want a serious committed relationship with me. I am now faced with the dilemma of having to choose between two people and sacrifice one set of needs for the other.

Or, I could date both and not have to give up anything. If all parties agree to and are ok with it, why not? It would seem like the ideal situation, for my lifestyle at least. I definitely cannot, and will not, speak for everyone. However, here is a situation that is open an honest. That offers commitment with an element of freedom. It creates close intimate partnership(s). And, most importantly, does not require me to have to sacrifice any of my needs. Would it be difficult to maintain such a lifestyle? Of course! I imagine it would be just as much work as  any relationship, maybe  a little bit more. Do I think it would invite some drama into my life? I’m sure it will. But drama is the runoff of life, collecting itself in a neat little bucket as a result of every action we engage in. Either way, I think it would be an interesting approach to relationships. So….we’ll see.

To be continued…….


4 thoughts on “An Experimentation With Polyamory

  1. What’s so funny is that I was literally giving you a serious side eye but I thought ok, let’s see where she is going with this.
    First question: how long have you been considering this?
    Question #2: do you already have someone(s) in mind?
    Question #3: will these said mates only be with you or will they be able to have someone else?
    Question #4: What will you do if one wants you to be monogomous (sp?) with just them?
    And lastly if there is two of them and one of you are you absolutely sure you can give the very best to them or just give yourself to them 100% of the time? And don’t hit me with work, sorority and volunteering taking up some of your time because you know what I mean.

    • LOL because as I was writing I was telling myself that Lakingya is gonna look at me like I done lost my mind. But I’m glad you are open enough to ask me questions.
      1) I’ve been considering this for a while. I got a small taste of it a few months ago and found that it really worked for me. Though I wasn’t able to dive in full force.
      2) Nobody in mind….yet. It takes a special person (or persons) to commit and be able to juggle such a delicate situation as this.
      3) If they wanted to be with someone else I would be open to that possibility. I would have to be, otherwise that’s not a fair situation AND it would make me a hypocrite.
      4) I would be open to a person asking me to trade polyamory for monogamy. How I would respond depends on the person/situation.
      5) That last one I truly cannot answer until I’m there. I can say I can give 100%, because that’s my nature in regards to everything I do. But theory and implementation are two different things.

  2. Good Morning, it is disappointing that marriage life has been unkind to you… And although I am sure you played a part, the ends doesn’t justify the means (I think I said that right…)

    If you decide to walk down that path again, PLEASE make sure the guy/girl is A+ & is bring his/her A-game consisently in the legalized relationship…

    Okay, here is where I go bonkers… I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE the idea of polyamory…

    However it is NOT for the faint of heart… or for the immature… which eliminates the majority of the world’s population…

    As for me… I will, with most women I sleep with… hold a double standard polyamory… I expect a woman to be monogamous to ME or she has sex with other people WITH MY PERMISSION (believe me, I think I am THAT dope) while I am free to sleep with other women…

    I am happy that alot of women don’t read this blog (I hope not… lol)

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