SMDH (or Some People Will Never Change)


Text from Him: “Sup?”

Me: “What’s up stranger?”

Him:”Nothing much. I’ll be out in Vegas next week”

Me: “What for?”

Him: “Bachelor party.”

Me: “Ah, cool. What else you getting into?”

Him: “You. lol jk”

Me: “Well if you want to kick it just hit me up. I’ll be around.”

What this dude failed to tell me is that it was his bachelor party he was coming out to Vegas to celebrate. I haven’t heard from him since the last time he attempted to pull the okey doke on me, about five months ago. Since I already know he’s a hot mess and since I had a funny feeling about him randomly hitting me up after so long I decided to do a little bit of digging. Luckily for me, his fiance is very good at chronicling their current events on Facebook. When I saw that he is due to get married it wasn’t much to put two and two together and all I could do was smdh.

Serious dude?

And yet can I really be that surprised? This song and dance has been playing since spring 2005. That’s when we first got involved. I was 22 at the time, newly brought into my sorority, and completely feeling myself. We had a chance meeting at one of my sorority parties and I was instantly attracted to him. To this day I can’t exactly put my finger on what it was that drew me to him. It wasn’t looks, he was amongst some of his very attractive frat brothers. I think it was the huge afro that first caught my attention and his charisma that held it. Me being the type of person I am, I went for what I wanted and I got it. What resulted was a year and a half long sexual relationship that ended with me discovering that he had a live-in girlfriend and a child on the way. Wow right? Definitely a life lesson learned. If anything that experience with him caused me to grow the hell up. It completely changed my outlook on relationships and how I dealt with men.

So I moved on. Got in a relationship, got engaged, moved, got married, got divorced. And in the meantime, between proposing to his long-term girlfriend and fostering child number two with her,  he would periodically hit me up. Despite all the drama that dealing with him brought I never had any ill will towards him. I was always open to being on good terms, but with boundaries. Though he had absolutely no respect for his relationship I valued mine.  I was never interested in jeopardizing my then relationship for this dude. And now, almost six years to the day we first met, he hits me up for one last tryst before he (finally) ties the knot with the woman he’s been with for over ten years.

Me: “It’s best that you don’t hit me up  anymore. Out of respect for your upcoming marriage. Take care.”

Six years. I’ll be 28 in August. A far cry from the 22-year-old I was when I first got involved with this dude. I’ve changed in all the ways that he’s stayed the same and being someone’s last-ditch jump-off before a lifetime of supposed monogamy just doesn’t appeal to me. The same way he’s always handled his relationship is the way he’s going to continue to handle it after he walks down that aisle. I always knew back then that he would never leave her the same way I know now that he will never stop cheating on her, marriage license or not. That’s a very disappointing thing to observe.

At this stage in the game, it’s not my concern. It never was. I can only be concerned with the part I play in the whole affair and what I know is that I don’t wish to play any part at all. I’d rather wish him well in his marriage and keep it pushing, fuck looking back.

I wish me well in my evolution.



6 thoughts on “SMDH (or Some People Will Never Change)

  1. I am getting a E-Hard On… I feel sorry for the female in THAT relationship (although she picked him & ATTRACTION )wins again

    I am going to repost a comment I wrote on Max-Logic

    Adonis February 2, 2011 at 1:26 am

    I consider it y’all are already married… just not in the traditional sense…

    This reminds me of the concept FRAMING (I Am gonna butcher this theory, but here it goes)

    If you want a monogamous relationship to work you have to start it the right way… You can come from a MISTRESS frame (cheating) where he was married/in a relationship to his wife/girlfriend… you wait until the relationship is over (it may never end) then get you some dick… if he steps out on you while he is with his wife… (you know how the story ends)

    In your case Max… look what frame y’all established… can you break the frame & start a new one…? Y’al look like you are content the way the relationship has gone/is going


    Although I was semi-off topic… I respect marriage… He should have NEVER gave this girl a ring…

    Nice (Personal) Post

  2. What’s so sad about this is that he & his “wife” continue to build a family on this lie. I am so glad you never knowingly invited that drama into your life. It makes me wonder where is his wife’s self-esteem ranking on the totem pole? How can she as a mother allow this? As being one who’s NEVER stayed with a cheater, I don’t know makes a woman stay with a man who continuesly cheats. They must have that Color Purple Miss Cealy, Mister, Sugg Avery thing going on.

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