Sexually Selective


Notice that the title of this post isn’t “Sexually Exclusive”. That would imply a committed relationship, or some semblance of one. Nope, this post is geared towards the single folk.

First I’d like to say that I am in no way advocating some archaic double standard that mandates that woman shouldn’t have a healthy sex life with multiple partners. Yes, I said multiple. I am a firm believer in sexual freedom and exploration. If a person enjoys sex and if they enjoy it with a variety of people  I support that. I am also, above else, a firm believer in sexual responsibility and I’ve learned that the best way to practice this is by being selective in who you sleep with. I am now going to speak from my own experience.

I enjoy sex. A lot. I have little to no qualms about initiating and/or engaging in sexual activity. I have been that way since I lost my virginity at seventeen. I don’t have many rules when it comes to sexual relationships but I do follow one vital code

Know who you are fucking.

A person should know who they are sharing their body with. I’m not talking about specific details such as where they work, their favorite color,  or how many siblings they have (though you should at the very least know their first and last name). I’m talking about knowing the type of person you’re dealing with, what kind character they have or what their intentions are. Too many people jump into bed with someone without taking the time to gather this important information and then end up getting burned (either literally or figuratively, or both). Many people find out that the person they have been messing with is not someone they want to deal with after they’ve already slept with them. By that time, it’s too late to be selective. The error has already been made.

I am extremely selective about who I sleep with. If I choose it’s because there is something about that person I just had to have, and I am not that easily moved or impressed. I learned very early on that I must be somewhat comfortable with a person before I’m able to have sex with them and that familiarity can’t happen without getting to know them. I don’t have a standard time frame for the “getting to know you” stage. It depends on the other person. It’s taken me a few years to get to know some and for others its only taken me a few months. Putting out on the first date or making them wait depends more on chemistry and less on any preoccupation with being mislabeled a hoe. As a matter of fact, I slept with my ex on the first night. Not only did he not think any less of me but he eventually proposed, lol. I can honestly say that being familiar with a person has made for some pretty awesome sexual encounters. I’ve only had what I consider bad sex twice; the one and only time I had a one night stand  and the another time when I made a spur-of-the-moment choice to sleep with someone for the wrong reasons.

Though men get less slack for it than woman the truth of the matter is that there is nothing appealing about a person who is not selective about their sexual partners. You are a reflection of who you associate (and have sex) with and if you’re messing with lackluster people then people are going to assume that you’re lackluster. Not only that, it speaks volumes to the type of individuals you are attracting. Me personally, I don’t want to feel like I’m just another name on a long list of jump offs and I’m sure most people feel the same as I do about that. I want people to feel like it’s a privileged to have sex with me because… is. But if anything, being selective is practical. It helps you to weed out any potential drama or unfortunate situations.

I fully understand that sex can either be meaningful or meaningless depending on the person you’re having sex with. Regardless, everyone should be selective whether they are choosing their new SO or the latest jumpoff. Not everyone is worthy of sharing your bed.


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