To Disclose Or Not To Disclose


When I first started this blog I had no idea where I would end up taking it. My original intent was to build this space that would serve as a creative outlet for whatever I wanted to produce, whether it be poetry, social commentary, Buddhist reflections, petty rants, etc. In less this six months this blog has evolved into a source of random enlightenment and amusement for others to read.  I wrongly assumed that my blog would be lost in the sea of other anonymous blogs and that no one would really be interested in reading what I had to say. Man was I wrong. Somehow I’ve actually managed to get a nice amount of subscribers, plus regular traffic.

A few have asked me if I censor myself. Of if there is anything I won’t share. As with many bloggers, the question of disclosing vs. not disclosing has come up. Granted it hasn’t been an issue for me. Mainly because I don’t concern myself with what others think and also because I’m not in the habit of putting mine or other people business out for the world to read about. I come from the school of thought that not everything is for everyone to know and there is definitely a way of sharing experiences without detailing every aspect of one’s personal life. Besides, having secrets is sexy. There’s no mystery in being transparent.

I guess an individuals decision to share or not share has a lot to with the purpose of their blog. Everyone blogs for different reasons. I blog in order to creatively express myself and also to share things I’ve learned that I feel will be of value to others. It is for this reason that I focus more about the lessons I learn from my various experiences and less on the sordid “reality show” like details. I see my blog as a classroom, not a soap opera. Neither is it some self satisfying shrine to my ego. Meaning that I don’t assume that my life is that fabulous that others should read about it. My life is no more or no less special than the next. My life is…well…my life. Simple as that.

If I were to have to pick sides between disclosing or not disclosing I’d have to choose the latter. I’m just not in the business of putting myself out there. I’m all about discretion and trust me, for everything I have written about my life there are about ten things I’ve kept to myself. What I’ve learned is that once you open that door others will walk through it and you can’t be mad or surprised at them when they do. I’ve seen some bloggers detail every aspect of their lives then turn around and lament about readers being too nosy or judging their circumstances. This is stupid. People are going to be nosy and they are going to judge. This is a fact of life. Secondly, there are a lot of key characters in the Life and Times of Toya J, most of whom would rather I leave them out of my blog. Respecting their privacy goes without question. Most importantly–and in my opinion– constantly talking about myself or my life is extremely self-indulgent, shallow, attention seeking, and boring. While my blog is mainly for myself, I am mindful that others take the time to read it. I’d prefer not to waste their time.

Are there any personal situations I’d like to blog about? Of course. There have been more than a few times where I’ve contemplated exposing other people’s secrets (out of spite), sharing drama filled stories, or going completely in on someone as a way to dismantle their character. Even as I type this, I’m finding myself in a very interesting situation that I would love to write several posts about but can’t because it requires me to share too much about myself (and others). Such disclosure is not necessary. Not for me at least. Will this change? Possibly. It depends on how my blog evolves. But for now I’m on team non-disclosure.


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