The Backlash of Being On The Grind

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Anyone who cares enough to pay attention to my life has probably noticed that I’ve been on a serious hustle for the past several months. When I say serious I mean a no bullshit allowed, total overhaul of my life .To the point where I’ve completely went underground. Well yesterday a couple of Sorors of mine hit me up on Twitter asking me if I was attending  dinner with them at a local club/restaurant, to which I replied that I hadn’t planned on it. After all, I was sitting in class at the time. Not thirty minutes after  that I received a text message from my neo inquiring about the same thing. I had a harder time telling her no–she’s been after me inviting me to numerous get togethers for months–but I had to tell her I couldn’t make it. I simply didn’t have the time.

Allow me to list all the things I currently have going on:

  • I work at a non-profit where the concept of 8-5, Monday through Friday doesn’t really exist
  • I’m currently taking two classes at the local community college. Thank 8lbs baby Jesus one of them is online
  • I’m studying for the GRE, which I’m scheduled to take in the summer
  • I’m applying to the Peace Corps AND graduate school
  • I’m working on reaching the remaining 3 out of 4 goals I had originally set for myself back in August of last year
  • I am extremely active in my sorority. To the point where all my obligations with my chapter deserve their own list :
  1. Las Vegas Area Coordinator
  2. Treasurer
  3. Youth Group Advisor
  4. Step master???? (STILL wondering how I ended up with this responsibility)
  5. Event chair for our upcoming fundraiser, annual picnic, and scholarship luncheon

Now allow me to list all the things I’m trying to do in between all my obligations:

  • Attend the gym regularly
  • Volunteer at a local domestic violence shelter
  • Activism
  • Write and blog (get back into the local poetry scene)
  • Meditate once a day (possibly start my own meditation group)
  • Travel

And somewhere make the time to have fun with friends and family which is apparently not happening as much as I’d like. What I find is that I’m needing to balance my desire to focus on myself with making time for others. The reality is that this is the first time in my life that I’ve taken the time to be selfish and put all my energy into me, rather than in others, and it’s an adjustment for everyone. People just don’t understand. As a result I’m catching a lot of heat. Folks are frustrated with me. They don’t know why I’m missing happy hour or the monthly sister share event. Why I can’t go out in the middle of the week and why I don’t return phone calls for several days. It would seem that during this very important time in my life I’m alienating some people. On one hand I feel kinda bad and on the other hand I don’t. I need this time and folks can either accept it or not accept it. I’m mindful of the fact that I have a great circle of people in my life who love to spend time with me, who miss me when I’m not around for extended periods of time. I’m also mindful of the fact that I need to do my own thing. If I have to sacrifice relationships with others then that’s a sacrifice that I’m willing to make. Those who matter will understand.

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