While on The Well Versed I caught a feature called The Drama Sutra. It’s basically a his and her opinion piece about dating and relationships. What caught my attention was the mention of wants vs. needs in regards to intimate relationships, the mention made me stop and reflect.
Many of us go through life very much focused on what we want. It’s such a preoccupation that most of what we do is centered around this. We rarely, if ever, evaluate what it is we need. Most times we confuse a want for a need, never understanding that there is a difference. Other times what we want is not in sync with what it is we truly need. This happens more often in intimate relationships than anything else.
Even before reading the piece I was already in a stage of my life where I’ve been figuring out what it is I need. Since I’m still dealing with the ending of my three-year relationship, there isn’t much that I currently want. I certainly don’t want another committed relationship anytime soon. I don’t think I want to get married again either. When wants are no longer a distraction it’s a pretty good time to discover what it is you need. After six months of some serious introspection I’ve pinpointed those things.
First and foremost I need to be nurtured. There really isn’t much else to that. It’s pretty simple.
I recognize that I neither want nor need another committed relationship, but I do need to be able to spend time with someone (or some folks) and have fun.To be able to feel at ease and open up and experience a comfortable level of closeness.
I need not to take life so serious all the time. With that being said, I may need my mistakes brought to my attention but never thrown in my face. I need to be able to laugh and learn when I fall and bump my head.
I need to slow down and be in the present moment. I need to just be.
I need to be in healthy, balanced relationships. Not only with people I’m involved with romantically but with my friends and family. The thing I’ve most recognized in that area is my need for boundaries, respect, and appreciation from those I’ve allowed into my life and to recognize when it’s in my best interest to distance myself when I’m not receiving those things.
I need to focus on myself and only myself. Learning how to mind my own business and reminding others to mind theirs will help with this tremendously.
Those are my list of needs. I’m sure as I continue of my life’s journey I’ll discover more but these are currently the things I require for my emotional, spiritual, and mental well-being. Because I recognize just how important these things are for me they are not something I am willing to compromise on. Wants can be sacrificed, needs cannot.