Getting It Together

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I hate to be stagnant or stuck. When I get it into my mind that a change needs to happen I get on the grind and make it happen. Or try to at least. However much is in my power to do so. The phrase “getting it together” implies some action behind it. It requires some reflection, a general idea as to what needs to change. A plan on how to execute said change. Followed by the action needed to promote the change. A person can talk all day about all the things they want to get in order but it’s nothing but empty words if they don’t put in the work behind it.

I’ve identified several things in my life that I’m trying to “get together”. Work was one thing, which I’m well on my way to participating in some great projects at my agency. School was the other, and I’m already registered for classes in the spring. I’ve been more focused on taking care of myself, eating healthier, exercising, and allowing my hair to grow out natural and basically getting my overall appearance together. I just added fiscal responsibility to my list. Made a financial plan with some goals and deadlines. When I lived in Long Beach I was pretty active in the poetry scene there.  Since moving to Vegas I’ve sort of fallen off of that, even stopped writing as much as I used to. I’ve picked that back up however, and have started hitting some of the local open mics. All of those are things that I have identified and taken immediate action on.

Something else I’m trying to get together is re-centering myself. This is the most challenging because there is a lot that I need to do to make that happen. I need to get back to meditating on a regular schedule like I had been doing in the past. And I been slacking on finding a new sangha for the past year. Another aspect of that is the fact that I need to shift my relationship with certain people and how I respond to them. What I notice is that I tend to allow others to dictate the dynamics of the relationship, which wouldn’t be so bad if I wasn’t dealing with people who aren’t consistent. What I notice is that I have a few people in my life that shift dramatically and very quickly, often before I realize what’s going on. Rather than me not allowing their inconsistency to affect me–especially when I know that before I have a chance to process their actions they are going to switch to something else entirely–I get frustrated. I mean, frustration is a natural thing to feel. However, a person can only get frustrated so many times before they get tired of that feeling. That’s where I am at. The key ingredient to me centering myself is consistency. While I understand that things change, impermanence and all that, what should remain fairly consistent is the type of relationship I have with others. Part of the problem is that I’ve been waiting around for the other party to figure out where I fit in their lives, instead of making that decision myself. My solution is to take stock of the relationships I have with everyone who is currently in my life and to define for myself where I fit, if at all. I fully understand that there are some that take me for granted. I’ve decided that it’s in my best interest to pull away completely from those people and allow them to miss me, or not (it may not matter to them one way or the other if I’m around, which is even more a reason to pull away). My attempt at “getting together” my equanimity and re-cultivating my sense of neutrality.

Through this process I’ve realized that taking control of your situation will bring you out of feeling helpless. There is a certain peace that comes with focusing on the things you have the ability to change and leaving alone the things you can’t. A little bit of motivation can go a long way.

 

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