Allow me to begin this post by saying that I am in no way being judgmental of anyone that chooses to be the jumpoff of another. In fact, it was a choice I personally made back in college during a time where I was very focused on school and didn’t desire a committed relationship, yet I still wanted to have fun. Jumpoff refers to a casual sexual relationship with another person. It’s easy and convenient, with little to no expectations other than availability when one wants to have sex. Jumpoffs should be seamless situations but they tend to get pretty complicated. There is an art to being a good jumpoff and to making them work with as little drama as possible. The following is my advise from personal experience and observation of others. Both men and women can apply this but it’s directed at the ladies since that’s the perspective I’m writing from (lol).
1) Be discreet. It’s not necessary to broadcast that you are having casual sexual relationships and who you are having them with. It’s not socially acceptable for women to sleep around with multiple partners anyway so you don’t want a reason for anyone to label you negatively. If the man you’re sleeping with is already in a relationship then more the reason to be discreet (DISCLAIMER: I am not condoning cheating, just being real). Eventually, a person is going to want to transition from situations involving casual sex to a deeper relationship and they don’t want any negative labels from past behaviors preventing that.
2) Know your role. This is very important because many forget that they are the jumpoff, nothing more and nothing less. Don’t expect him to hit you up telling you he’s just thinking of you. Don’t expect him to remember your birthday. Don’t expect to be the only one he’s sleeping with either. Once a woman loses sight of the role she’s in she starts to have unrealistic expectations. Casual sex is just that. It is not a relationship and you are not his girlfriend/wife. You come together for the purpose of sleeping together and you part ways until the next encounter.
3) Understand and respect boundaries. This is another important piece of advise. People tend to have trouble with this when they forget their role as jumpoff. Again, this is a casual sexual relationship. As a result, those involved should take extra care to respect the time and space of the other person. It’s completely unreasonable to question the man your involved with about what he’s doing or to give him a hard time about not making time for you. Those type of expectations require a committed relationship to back them up. If the man is involved with anyone else it is a fatal mistake to present yourself to the other woman or women. A jumpoff does not have any claim on the man she’s sleeping with so outing yourself to any others he may be involved with is a major overstep of boundaries and it makes you look silly in the process.
4) Don’t make it out to be more that what it is. As I’ve already stated several times throughout this post a jumpoff is casual sex. Even if you may low-key hang out with the person and talk on a semi-regular (in which case it’s friends with benefits but still a casual sexual relationship) it’s still not anything official. I often see women building these situations up. Saying they are “dating” or “seeing” a man, doing things like calling him her “boo” and taking pictures with/of him and posting them all over their social networking sites (that is, if the man lets them even do that). I find this type of behavior dangerous. For one, it creates a fantasy that one can easily get wrapped up in. Also it’s dis-genuine. At the end of the day it’s not a committed relationship and any attempts to portray it as such is foolish. Unless he’s officially claiming you, changing his Facebook relationship status, and bringing you around friends and family. Otherwise allow it to be what it is.
5) Don’t use it as a stepping stone for a committed relationship.This is where the thirsty chicks come into play. They are the type that lack the common sense needed in order to understand that casual sex is not the route to a committed relationship. They want a man by any means. If a man wants to date a woman and make her his girlfriend he will. It’s that simple. Contrary to popular belief it takes more than sex to capture and keep a man. There has to be more substance present. If you want a committed relationship with a man then take the necessary steps to build it as such. Make that the focus of your interaction with him, rather than sex.
Other valuable pieces of advice. There is going to come a time where one or both parties may catch feelings. It’s very common in jumpoff situations and almost unavoidable. All I can say is for both parties to be completely open and honest about the nature of the relationship. This will make sure that all expectations are clear and that those involved are all on the same page. Or if they aren’t they at least understand where the other is coming from. If things get too messy or too complicated either party must be willing to cut it off. It is just casual sex after all.